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Morand
Inscrit le: 03 Oct 2005 Messages: 550 Lieu: Zürich, Sundgau, Alsace, Zuid-Holland,
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écrit le Tuesday 10 Oct 06, 11:40 |
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Man : God?
God: Yes!?
Man: Can I ask you something?
God: Yes.
Man: What is for you a million of years?
God: A second.
Man: And a million of dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second! |
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Traum
Inscrit le: 04 Oct 2006 Messages: 10 Lieu: France, Languedoc-Roussillon
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écrit le Wednesday 11 Oct 06, 16:37 |
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Oh Lord, give me patience and give it to me NOW ! |
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Gaillimh
Inscrit le: 12 Nov 2005 Messages: 366 Lieu: Aberdeen (Ecosse)
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écrit le Saturday 25 Nov 06, 22:58 |
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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scottish man are talking together near a railroad. A train passes by.
The Englishman says ''There it goes''
The Scottishman says ''There she goes''
The Irishman says ''there he goes''
Who is right and why? |
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Gaillimh
Inscrit le: 12 Nov 2005 Messages: 366 Lieu: Aberdeen (Ecosse)
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écrit le Tuesday 28 Nov 06, 22:57 |
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... the Irishman is right, because it's a mail train! |
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Dino
Inscrit le: 09 Oct 2006 Messages: 479 Lieu: Αθήνα – Ελλάδα
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écrit le Wednesday 29 Nov 06, 15:34 |
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Why is a ship called "she"?
A ship is called a "she" because there is always a great deal of bustle around her; there is usually a gang of men about; she has a waist and she stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep her good looking; it is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep; she can be all decked out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly; and without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She knows her topsides, hides her bottom and, when coming into port, always heads for the buoys. |
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Charles Animateur
Inscrit le: 14 Nov 2004 Messages: 2522 Lieu: Düſſeldorf
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écrit le Friday 01 Dec 06, 16:19 |
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An English cricket player was driving a car in Australia after having had a few drinks too much and was stopped by the police.
- I will have to check your breath, sir - said the policeman
- I'm sorry, I'm asthmatic, please don't take the breath - said the cricket player.
- Well, sir, then I'll have to tak a blood sample.
- I'm afraid I'm a haemophiliac, please don't take the blood.
- In that case, Sir, please provide us with an urine sample.
- I'm an English cricket player, please don't take the piss... |
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Vassiliki
Inscrit le: 27 Feb 2006 Messages: 190 Lieu: ATHENES
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écrit le Friday 01 Dec 06, 16:42 |
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A rich man was showing a poor man his (huge) house;
- This is the lounge, there is the kitchen...those are the bedrooms...and the bathrooms..and the garden...
After finishing he asked the poor:
-Well, how's your house, then?
-Oh, it's very like this..But it's a lot smaller and there aren't any walls between the bedrooms ! |
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Dino
Inscrit le: 09 Oct 2006 Messages: 479 Lieu: Αθήνα – Ελλάδα
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écrit le Friday 01 Dec 06, 18:09 |
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"I hope the Duke will soon come", said the Duchess, stirring her tea with the other hand. |
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Gaillimh
Inscrit le: 12 Nov 2005 Messages: 366 Lieu: Aberdeen (Ecosse)
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écrit le Monday 25 Dec 06, 14:04 |
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- why is Six afraid of Seven ?
- because 7 ate 9. |
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Kyrillion
Inscrit le: 02 Jan 2007 Messages: 311 Lieu: Haute-Savoie
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écrit le Friday 05 Jan 07, 21:05 |
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- Here is a brilliant sanskrit proverb : "Men say time passes...time says men pass."
- Why is a river rich ? It has two banks ! |
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Gaillimh
Inscrit le: 12 Nov 2005 Messages: 366 Lieu: Aberdeen (Ecosse)
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écrit le Tuesday 23 Jan 07, 18:42 |
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late answer -sorry for the delay-
'because 7 ate 9' |
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Jacques
Inscrit le: 25 Oct 2005 Messages: 6525 Lieu: Etats-Unis et France
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écrit le Thursday 25 Jan 07, 6:31 |
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Un Australien est allongé, presque mourant, sur une plage de Californie après avoir traversé l'Océan Pacifique à la nage. Un sauveteur recueille ses premiers mots.
- Did you come here to die ?
- No, I came yester-die.
Dernière édition par Jacques le Thursday 25 Jan 07, 17:32; édité 1 fois |
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Dino
Inscrit le: 09 Oct 2006 Messages: 479 Lieu: Αθήνα – Ελλάδα
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écrit le Thursday 25 Jan 07, 16:34 |
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Top 10 things that sound dirty at the office but aren't:
10. I need to whip it out by 5!
09. Mind if I use your laptop?
08. Put it in my box before I leave.
07. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
06. I want it on my desk, NOW!
05. Hmmm...I think it's out of fluid.
04. My equipment is so old it takes forever to finish.
03. It's an entry-level position.
02. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
01. It's not fair...I do all the work and he just sits there.
To be continued...
For amazing english language paradoxes, try:
www.spapo.de/english-paradoxes.html |
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Gaillimh
Inscrit le: 12 Nov 2005 Messages: 366 Lieu: Aberdeen (Ecosse)
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écrit le Tuesday 10 Jun 08, 10:06 |
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What is wide at the bottom, narrow at the top and has ears? Réponse: a mountain, because mountaineers |
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Gaillimh
Inscrit le: 12 Nov 2005 Messages: 366 Lieu: Aberdeen (Ecosse)
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écrit le Friday 11 Jul 08, 18:00 |
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- What did the grape say when it got stepped on ?
- Nothing - but it let out a little whine. |
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